"Whenever you think you are giving it all you have, give just a little bit more"

Saturday, August 9, 2014

A leap of faith

It will come as no surprise to anyone who has followed my running recently that I have been in a funk. A hole. A rut. Whatever you choose to call it I was in it.

The hard thing about being in a hole is you can't really figure out you are there until it's almost too late and you are scrapping to hold a 6 minute pace for a couple of miles. The last couple of months running hasn't been very fun. I felt slow, tired, out of shape and just didn't enjoy it too much. The fear started to sink in that if I didn't do something soon I wouldn't even be toeing the line in LA in 18 months.  Before any critics chime in please know I do realize every runner goes through ups and downs. We all have times when we can't go fast, but this was different. It wasn't just that I wasn't running fast it was so much more.......

So what does anyone in a rut do? Jump off a cliff and hope to God that the parachute opens. Change is hard for me, I like my routine and knowing what is coming next. That being said for a few months now I have known what I wanted to do I just couldn't make myself do it. The fear crept in. What if I do this and it doesn't work. What if I actually make a change and run slower. What if? What if? What if? I was wearing myself out. Until I ran Bix. No the race wasn't a good one, I didn't run fast or have this great performance, but I raced. The last two races I did made me realize I really do love doing this, I want to get back to enjoying the training so I can be good at the racing again. So I came home, sat down with my husband and decided it was time I acted with my heart. It was time for a big change. After a few meetings. A lot of tears and a lot of soul searching I decided it was now or never. I am 18 months away from the important race so the time was right. SO I left my current training group and moved to one that is completely different from what i've ever done.

The hardest part of the move was I really do love my teammates. The girls I have been training with and traveling with over the last couple of years have become some of my best friends. But I realized they are my friends. Regardless of what my jersey says we will always be friends and we can always rely on one another. The other hard part was my new training group meant I had to leave my wonderful sponsor that I have been with for my entire competitive "career".  It was hard telling them and even harder knowing I had to leave. But sometimes your dreams are worth it. Sometimes your dream is so big and so close that you are willing to put your whole self out there for the world to see and know that failure could be an option. But you know what else is an option? SUCCESS!!!!  Reaching your goals, your time, your dreams! More importantly doing what your heart tells you is the right thing! Going all in and hoping that darn parachute opens up and shows you a little piece of the world you have only ever dreamt of!

I am proud to say I am now a member of the Boulder Track Club! I feel like I am in good hands with Lee Troop as he has so much personal marathon knowledge as well as coaching experience. Sure I've never had a program like his but that's the whole point. I need to shock my system. I need to just learn how much I love the hurt of a good hard workout session. It's scary to be in a new group but so far everyone seems amazing! I have a LOT of work to do to get to where I want to be but I am ready to take the challenge. So here is to new adventures in training! And I can not wait to race the 20k in the new sports bra my son picked out for me! Because seriously "Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman...than Always be Batman!"