"Whenever you think you are giving it all you have, give just a little bit more"

Sunday, January 8, 2012

What did I sign up for?!?!?!?!

I just spent the weekend down in Colorado Springs with my awesome family which was a great distraction from the little voice in my head telling me I am insane! While I was down there I got to see my cute as a button cousin who is 8 months pregnant and it made me realize that even though we are both in very different places in our lives we are also in the same spot.
Here is why.....

Being pregnant/ giving birth
For you ladies do you remember when you first found out you were pregnant? I was so happy I was in tears! It was so amazing you have this little life in you that you love before you have even met. For nine months all these amazing, and sometimes awful, things happen to you. Going to the doctor and hearing the heart beat or seeing your little munchkin on the TV for the first time. It's this great feeling AND THAN before you know it you are 8,9 months pregnant and you realize I have to do what? I mean you know it's coming you knew when this whole journey started but now it's real! Now you realize you have to push this little life out of you and it is not going to be fun. Are you ready for this? Are you mature enough to be a parent? Can you handle this financially? But you realize the end reward will be so sweet and the answer is if you are ready or not you are going to do the best you possibly can because this little life depends on you and that will be enough!

Marathon training/ Marathon racing
When I qualified in Philly I was SO happy that I could hardly control myself the last two miles I was all chocked up. After I crossed the line I was jumping up and down you would have thought I had just won the Olympics. Than a month later marathon training started. There were days I had such amazing runs and workouts and than there were the days I felt like crap. Some times I thought I was indestructible and than I ended up with the flu. So many ups and downs but through it all I was so happy to be a part of the Olympic trials. What an honor I couldn't wait AND THAN it was 2 weeks away and I realized I have to do what? Again I knew this whole journey I was going to run 26.2 miles and be able to call myself a marathoner. Now I realize I am going to run 26.2 miles! All these questions cross my mind. Did I do enough to prepare? Did I train hard enough? Am I cutting back enough? Am I eating enough? Am I going to be able to finish this race? Than I look back on training and remember there were days I would just stumble in to my bed after a 30 mile day with pure exhaustion. I gave it everything I had for the last 12 weeks I had no more to give. Plus I have complete faith in Scott he got me this far there is no way he would give me a training plan that didn't prepare me.

I haven't felt like this since I was pregnant with Chase. The unknown, being completely freaked out knowing what you have to do but also knowing there is so much you can't control. A lot of people have been asking me if I am nervous and the answer is yes and no. I am not really nervous because I am in the Olympic Trials, that is just an awesome added bonus! I am however nervous because this is my first marathon. Just like when I was pregnant people told me so many times how painful and horrible it is. I have heard stories of your body shutting down at 20 or points that you just have to drop out because you have no choice. I am super worried about taking my fluids and gels because I have such a touchy stomach. I guess I am scared because I have never put so much training into just one day. I have trained hard before but when I was training it was for multiple races. This time I feel like there are so many eggs in this one basket. I don't want to let my coach down, I don't want to disappoint my family who is coming or the ones who will be following me. I think when I do my second marathon (yeah I know I haven't even finished my first and I already know I'll want to do another one)I will feel a lot better.

All that being said I'm getting super excited to go to Texas and toe the line with so many amazing runners. Even more excited to be able to call myself a marathoner (so long as everything goes right.

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