Heartbreak

So many words to describe what I'm feeling. Non of them positive. Disappointed, heartbroken, angry and sad. I promised myself I would NEVER dnf again! Sadly last night at I don't even know what lap I struggled with myself and pulled off the track. It's a horrible feeling to know I just quit. Should I have fought through and run a bad 10k? Maybe but maybe I also did the right thing. The funny thing about running is not everyday can be a good day. Since I ran 32:57 three weeks ago training has been going amazing! I've had some of the best workouts that I have ever had. I was juiced to take 12 seconds off and guarantee my spot in the trials. I had little doubt I couldn't do it until about three laps in last night. So now what do I do? My time will not get me in to the trials. It's going to take the A standard this year which is so great for distance running in the US. For me however it's not good. As soon as I pulled myself off the track I called Levin and just started crying. I knew I didn't have another shot at it and felt like I let so many down. My family, training partners, teammates, friends, coach and probably more than anyone myself. I gave myself some time to just cry than I talked to Scott. I guess there is one more shot at the OR track meet in June. Now the question is, can I put my heart in it for another shot. I have 5 weeks to train hard and try. BUT I could also just hit the roads. I mean I ran a 32:57 that's a pretty solid effort. Maybe it's just best to move back to the roads. Hit the 25k and half champs. Try to make some money and just have fun. I'm in the best shape I have ever been in I need to take advantage of it. I'm just not sure what my heart really wants. I know I have the fitness to hit the standard but that doesn't mean I'll have a good day come time for OR. We are never guaranteed that. It's a tough decision especially when after the disappointment of last night I just want to sit in my bed and say to hell with running! This has been a great string of races in the last year. I have pR'd in everything I tried. I shouldn't be so mad or upset but this one race will be what lingers in my head until I have another good one. I promised myself that no matter the outcome I would realize how blessed I am. That hasn't changed I know the sun still came up. I still have amazing friends and family! But I'm a perfectionist and having failed is hard! I'll take a day to think and decide what is best. If any of you have suggestions or know what you would do I would love to hear it! You know how it is right now I'm not thinking the positive of what could come :-) On a much brighter note, I had a lot of friends run awesome last night! Alisha Williams ran over a minute PR with a low 32 to stamp her ticket. Nicole Aish has made a statement in her "comeback" race on the track last night to get the A for the 5k in under 15:35! Allie Keiffer (who I have never met in person but is now a CO girl ran under 32:30 to get her A and Alvina Begay had an awesome performance getting the A with a 32:34!!! Joseph Chirlee who is also a part of the ADP ran 28:16 just one second off of the A. So many amazing performances and I am so proud of them all!